All I Wanted Was a Baby.

August 1, 2014 - Posted by Queen&King Lear at 5:06 PM
On Thursday morning, July 17th, my favorite nurse came into my hospital room at the start of her shift and said to me, “You weren’t supposed to be like this today,” to which I responded, “Like what?” “Pregnant,” she said.  Through tears I begged her “Help me then!”

After the night I had, I was ready for anything to be done to get this baby out. I had been checked into the hospital in active labor since 10:30 the morning before. I was frustrated and there weren’t any signs of stopping.  My body wasn’t taking well to this delivery.
Highlights of the day/night before:
·        Went to the hospital at 8a on Wednesday morning. “You are at 3cm; you can check in when you are at 4cm.” So they made me walk around for 1 hour to see if that didn’t get the baby movin’ and shakin’ down below.
·        (TMI perhaps) I walked. The nurse had quietly told my mom that she could get me to 4cm because my cervix was so soft, but it’s too painful.  After the hour had elapsed, she checked to see if I was dilated again and she moved me to 4cm upon (I’m assuming) my mother’s head nod. OW! Holy freakin’ cow. That hurt, but glad I’m staying.
*I was kind of hoping that I would be let out of the hospital to walk cause that meant I could go grab some breakfast. Blast! I knew I should have eaten that banana when we got in the car.

·         Labored for a while and I got my epidural (weirdest feeling!) at 6.5cm.

·         After several hours… I was only at 7.5 and they decided to give me a dose of Pitocin to help my uterus contract. It wasn’t doing it on its own.

·        About midnight on Wednesday, I started having severe hip pain that came with each contraction.  Ugh!  I felt like my hip was breaking. I asked the nurse through tears "can you die from pain??"  My mom and Michael breathed with me and the nurse massaged my hip during the pain for 4 hours! Seriously, all I want is my baby.  

·        One of my nurses suggested that I get into a position called the “Fire Hydrant” which, like it sounds, looks like I’m a dog peeing on a fire hydrant. Classy. While moving me, it hurt so bad (I didn’t know I could make that much noise!) that she stopped moving me and decided to put me back in the last position I was in, where I was at least slightly (but only slightly!)comfortable, to suffer with my husband and mother.

·        About 5 in the morning there was a consult with a surgeon who said if I haven’t made any progress by 7:00a I will be prepped for surgery. (Which I didn’t want… I prayed that I wouldn’t have to, I don’t want to go under the knife!)

Now we’re back.
After my favorite nurse came in and said I wasn’t supposed to be pregnant on Thursday morning, I told her I'd been informed that I would be prepped for surgery at 7:15a (it was 5 ‘til 7a). She assured me that “that’s not going to happen. I’m pushing it back, we’re doing Fire Hydrant!” You can imagine my excitement. Surgery impending, hip pain still, and still no baby.
She, along with 2 others, forced me into Fire Hydrant. Holy relief, Batman. Moving to this position was painful, but I felt so good after getting my leg hiked up, in silence I might add.  I’d learned after 7 hours to deal with the discomfort in a more dignified manner, i.e. I didn’t yell in agony.
I fell asleep for an hour and a half and when I woke that pushy-thank-God-for-her nurse said, “You are at 10cm!” Saved! No surgery.
It was wait… not yet!...... I’m not ready!...................
......Really Emily? Really. (For effect: Say this in your head as sarcastically as you can.)
Highlights of delivery:
·        I started pushing--HARD; I wanted her out- I wanted to see her face!  Nothing. More people enter the room.

·        Pushing when they said “I can see her head, she’s got dark hair!” (I wasn’t sure she was mine -- JK)

·         She wasn’t coming past the pubic bone, despite all my hard work. I pushed some more.

·         The doctor told Michael, very sternly, to not let me push my epidural button anymore.

·        Hip pain back. Which was good at this point because I knew when I was having a contraction and needed to push. I pushed some more. Even more people in the room.

·        After much consultation between the doctor and nurse (my nurse doesn’t like to do anything unnatural) they decided that in order to get baby out, they will need to gently guide her head past that *stupid* bone with the vacuum. (it wasn’t as scary as it sounds)  

·        I gave it about 5 more minutes, a coupla yells, an ouch here and an ouch there… and Corinne was out! I had been delivered of a beautiful daughter in front of about 20 people!
I saw her come out and be held up by the doctor and corpsman (baby caretakers) and then fell back in relief. I was on the table getting taken care of and I heard her sweet cry! I couldn’t believe it was over and in just a short while I was going to hold my darling girl!
One minute she’s inside you and 31 hours later, here she is. Freaking crap, 31 hours.

HIGHLIGHT: One of the nurses did give me a banana straight out of her lunch pail after delivery. Best. Banana. Ever.
Things of note:
A few nurses and doctors concluded the hip pain I experienced during labor and delivery was caused by Corinne LITERALLY getting on my nerves....she was sitting on them! (something I plan to keep in my back pocket to remind her of anytime, throughout the REST OF MY LIFE, that she accuses me of getting on HER nerves!)  Because of her position, my nerves were being pinched/damaged, and this is why Fire Hydrant made her move!
But there's more.....while in the hospital, recovering from labor, my epidural wore off and I started to feel normal! The numbness in my leg from the nerve damage started to wear off and I thought it was going away, so I got a little more confident in walking around (I’d almost fallen 2x before this. Don’t worry I was not holding the baby!) Things seemed to be going well. 
Unfortunately, however, I got a little too confident. I had been walking around our hospital room, picking up, snacking, watching the babe in the jaundice light, talking to Michael… and I thought I should go to the restroom. So I did...and I fell...AND I FRACTURED MY FOOT.  Are you kidding?!  There I was, lying on the bathroom floor with nerve damage, and now a fractured foot?  It’s laughable.
We had about 2 days in the hospital because they needed to make my baby less yellow, so we had some time to laugh about the drama of the past few days. I pray that by the time I have another baby my body will know what to do, because clearly it’s an idiot.
All that to say, I left the hospital in a wheelchair, physical therapy instructions in hand, toting a fractured foot and a bum knee with nerve damage......
All I wanted was a baby.
Go ahead, laugh it’s ok.